one last letter to my ex-boyfriend
February 2, 2017
I forgive you. Life is hard. It's complicated and messy and full of difficult decisions. I may never understand all the reasons you broke up with me, but I forgive you for doing it.
We aren't right for each other at this point in our lives, and I thank you for having the courage to end it. I probably would've let it drag out for a few more months because I'm someone who tries so hard to make things work when I believe in them, but I thank you for saving both of us that time and even more heartache.
And I know you're hurting. It wasn't all bad. There was a lot of love and trust between us. That doesn't go away over night, and it's okay to be hurting. We shared a lot of new experiences over the course of our relationship, and I thank you for the opportunity to be a part of your world even if only for a brief period of time.
But in order for a new chapter to begin, the previous one has to end. I'm closing this chapter of the book of my life so I can start writing a new one.
The last thing I said to you in my back stairwell after we exchanged our things last week was "Play well this week. I really do believe in you and want you to succeed." That hasn't changed. I hope you're off chasing sunrises and crushing your goals. The belief and support I felt for you and your dreams during our relationship was the most true and real thing about all of it. And I hope you find that again in someone new someday when you're ready and the timing's right. I don't believe in coincidences; even the way we met was so serendipitous to me that it was the right thing to happen when it happened. Us ending doesn't change that; we were in each other's lives for a reason, and only time and hindsight will show why it all worked out the way it did.
I hope you fall in love again with another strong woman who challenges you and that you don't hold back with her. I hope she writes you notes of encouragement and picks you up when you've fallen down. That's important, and it's rare. And I want nothing less than that for you.
Don't hold onto the bad or replay things about us in your mind. Keep your heart open. Still waters run deep. You have a beautiful soul and feel things very deeply. Don't lose sight of that. Just remember and focus on the good, and if you fail, fail forward. Everything is a learning experience, and everyone deserves to be happy.
Although you've subtracted me from your life's equation, I want you to find happiness. I want you to fall in love and feel vulnerable and scared and also safe. We had moments of that, and they were beautiful. I will cherish them forever. You should, too. But you should also learn from them as I have.
Thank you for everything that happened between us. Ours was a beautiful love story that could fill an entire book but ended up only as a chapter. There's a reason it's called a break-up and not a break-down: because you're supposed to grow from it and get better. Thank you for the opportunity.
Life is a series of high and low tides. There are high tides coming to both of us very soon, and perhaps one day when we've both grown into the best versions of ourselves, maybe our paths will cross again and we'll enjoy a high tide together.
I can't wait to watch you playing televised golf on the PGA Tour. I will always be a cheerleader for your dreams.
With Love,
Johny xoxo