people can change
In Monday's post, I wrote about the positives of having a bad comedy set - the positives of bombing, if you will. The main takeaway was that I learned a bunch and that when I let go of my almost-shaming self-criticism, I was able to see a lot of positive takeaways. The perspective shifted to a much healthier place focused on improvement.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you recognized something about yourself in another person’s story - some sort of similarity in how you viewed the world or how you interpreted or remembered a situation? It happened to me this past weekend, and it was an incredible feeling. I’ve written before about the situation that was discussed (which you can read about here), but I realized this past weekend that there were parts of that situation I’d left out in my writing because I didn’t actually remember (i.e., the specific date).
It’s incredible how rare it is (at least for me) to find someone who will offer personal details about their lives and about themselves, enabling a space to build trust. It’s incredibly brave, and I admire people like that so much. I’ve been having a lot of issues with trust recently because I’ve had people in the past use my insecurities against me, belittling my emotions and attacking the way I view the world. It’s okay, though, because once you recognize why you feel the way you do, you can hold yourself accountable to work on those reasons and become stronger.
I found myself discussing things I hadn’t talked about in a long time the other night, and although there were a few times I felt the urge to shut down, I worked really hard to not shut down because I actually felt safe. I felt like I was free to be myself and talk about these things that had happened because I didn’t feel like I was being judged.
I write a lot about vulnerability and intimacy, and I try to share personal anecdotes of things that have happened to me in my life, but I still struggle with one-on-one, in-real-life vulnerability sometimes. It’s one thing to sit behind a screen and type out the things I'm feeling, but it’s an entirely different beast to sit next to someone and let them see your vulnerabilities and hear you talk about the things you struggle with openly and honestly.
I was asked if I thought people can actually change, which is something that resonated with me. I do honestly believe that people can change as long as they are self-aware of their issues and are willing to make the changes they want to make. It’s not easy. It can be excruciating at times to let yourself feel all the emotions and sacrifices that go along with self-improvement. But it is important.
It's important to be kind to yourself if you’re willing to try, and it is also important to reach out to the people who love and support you while you’re working on yourself. I’ve worked really hard the past several months to become the type of person I want to be, while letting go of a lot of negatives and holding onto the good. I held myself solely accountable for most of it, but I realized that there wasn’t a need to go through that sort of pain all alone, which also made me realize just how important and amazing it is that I have so many loving, supportive, incredible people in my life who could relate and who could help. The times when I was feeling really down were the times when I realized just how strong I actually was and just how many amazing people I could reach out to and count on. It takes a village.
Don’t be afraid to let things break sometimes. You can’t heal something without first recognizing that something is broken. There is so much beauty in broken things because it is the broken things that are the most real and the most capable of being rebuilt better and stronger. Always remember that even the smallest caterpillars undergo a great transformation in order to become butterflies.
Thank you so much for reading, and, as always, if you have any pressing questions or if you want to discuss something further with me, feel free to subscribe below or reach out to me on the “contact” page. I’m so grateful you're here and that I’ve been getting a lot of really challenging questions and even better feedback from a community all over the world. I couldn’t do this without you! So THANK YOU! I’m here for you, and I love hearing from you, too! You’re the best, and you have everything you need inside of you! Please believe it! Starve your ego, feed your soul - and follow your heart!