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focus on those who show up

Last week I wrote about why we need to pivot and how we can hold onto our good during the process of pivoting. If you didn’t get a chance to read either of those posts, they would be worth checking out since today I want to write about something deeply related to holding onto the good: focusing on the people who show up.

How many times have you been let down by people saying they would do something for you to help you out? To be honest, I can’t keep track anymore. I even have people in my life that I consider friends who I know do not read this blog. And you know what? It’s okay. It actually doesn’t bother me. For every five people who don’t read my blog, there’s one person that does. And the person who does is usually someone who wants to connect, to know more, to discover. And that person is worth more to me than the other five people combined.

Do you have people like that in your life - people who ask questions, who pick your brain, who care what you think, who want to know more, who challenge you to be better or to keep going? I used to struggle sometimes with focusing on all the people who didn’t show up in my life when I needed them, trying to figure out what I’d done to cause their absence. I now realize, however, that’s not how it should be. I don’t focus on those people anymore because the people who don’t show up are a waste of valuable time and energy; more often than not, them not showing up has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own issues in their lives. The people who do show up, though - they’re gold. People who show up for you do so because they recognize something in you that is powerful and is good. People who don’t show up for you do not deserve your wasted energy. Show up for them because it’s the right thing to do, but do not waste your energy trying to figure out why they’re being selfish and not showing up for you. Give that energy to the people who do show up for you because those people will bring magic into your life.

Being supportive is magical. Lifting others up is special. Knocking others down so you can get to the top may work in the short-term, but it won’t work in the long-term. There’s a saying about talent and character that I really believe - “Your talent can take you places your character can’t keep you.” I think we all know people in our personal lives who are incredibly talented but lack character. It goes back to a post I’ve written before on being value-driven. It’s often why you see people make it to the top and then come crashing down - because they didn’t develop character while they developed their talents.

My Mom and Dad always taught me that when you’re climbing the ladder of success in life, it’s important to not step on other people and to always reach back and give someone else a helping hand up. I see a lot of people in the entertainment industry (and elsewhere) stepping on other people and using other people in order to get ahead solely for individual gains. But, as I’ve written before, it’s important to be interdependent. People who step on other people on the way up may seem independent, but they’re not. They’re chasing after the validation that comes with their dreams instead of the dreams, themselves, and that is all ego. When you need the validation of others to make your dreams feel worth it, that’s dependence - not independence. And you can’t be interdependent without being independent first.

Focus on the people who show up and the ones who offer help. Those people understand that life can be a difficult journey and that everyone needs a helping hand once in awhile. Human beings crave connection and community. Everything about the galaxy we live in is relational. Just make sure your relationships are healthy and supportive, and ignore the people who try to knock you down. As they say, haters gonna hate. Don’t listen.

And, as always, if you have any pressing questions or if you want to discuss something further with me, feel free to subscribe below or reach out to me on the “contact” page. I’m so grateful that I’ve been getting a lot of really challenging questions and even better feedback from a community all over the world. I couldn’t do this without you! I’m here for you, and I love hearing from you, too! You’re the best, and you have everything you need inside of you! Please believe it!

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