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The Big 150: 22, Random – What would you do if you won the lottery?


Oh boy oh boy, if I won the lottery, I’d say peace out to all you b*tches and go waste away on an island that I own, tanned and rested and alone, surrounded by enormous piles of moneyyyy.

 

Okay okay, “Tangled” song references aside, I would not go waste away by myself on an island like some kind of tropical Ebenezer Scrooge (tempting, though it may be). My partner and I actually ask each other this question all the time since we really never buy lottery tickets unless the jackpot is over a billion, which is probably, statistically-speaking, the worst odds of all because that’s when everyone who doesn’t play the lottery decides to suddenly take a chance (just like us).

 

The first time he asked me the question, I responded that I would first find both a lawyer and a financial advisor before I told anybody I’d won the lottery. After getting my ducks in a row, I would pay off any debts my parents or I may have, I would buy a modest 150,000 one bedroom flat I saw for sale in Dublin as a vacation getaway crash pad, I would purchase a home in Cork because that is my favorite place in the world, and I would then invest the rest of my money into various pursuits, as well as donate to charity.

 

My answer was apparently not sufficient as I cannot comprehend just how much money $1 billion happens to be. I feel, though, it is not my fault that I cannot reasonably comprehend that amount of money, but I was then told that for $1 billion, I could purchase the Philadelphia Flyers.  So, ladies and gents, my plan has changed.

 

Should I win the $1 billion lottery because, realistically, I’m not buying lottery tickets unless it’s $1 billion or more, I shall be purchasing the Philadelphia Flyers professional ice hockey team of the NHL so that I can finally bring a Stanley Cup to Broad Street. Yes, I didn’t say “back to Broad Street” because the Flyers have not won a Stanley Cup in my lifetime (though that loss in Game 7 versus Chicago on the dumbest goal I have ever seen is burned into my brain forever).

 

After purchasing my very own NHL team, I will probably make money? I don’t know. I’m not really sure how any of that would work, but if you have doubts, refer back to the very first thing I said I would do, which I feel establishes a level of intelligence and ability-to-figure-it-out on my part (i.e. find both a lawyer and a financial advisor before I told anybody I’d won the lottery). I'm a planner, y'all. I love to plan.

 

So, in this beautiful, hypothetical scenario, get ready Philadelphia. I’m bringin’ us a Cup, baby.

 

To winning the lottery and landing on my feet and to the glorious Bullies of old Broad Street,

Johny



ICYMI: The Big 150

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