The Big 150: 28, Random – What’s the one thing you’d never do and why?
The Big 150: 28, Random – What’s the one thing you’d never do and why?
Hm, the one thing I’d never do and why. It’s tricky because I think there are plenty of things I’ll never do. I’ll never try heroin or crystal meth. I’ll never regret putting up the Christmas decorations this past week. Yes, I am aware it’s not even Thanksgiving yet, but guess what – I can enjoy my stuffing and tryptophan-induced slumbers while also ringing in the holly jolly. And you can’t stop me.
I would say ‘jokes aside’ as my segue into this next bit, but I’m not joking. If you take issue with someone letting Christmas joy arrive a little bit earlier this year then maybe you should just focus on yourself and remember that the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes when he found community, so maybe you should try to find yours.
If I really had to pick one thing I’d never do, I guess I would choose to say no to the good ol’ Faustian bargain. What’s a Faustian bargain? I’m so glad you asked. A Faustian bargain is a deal where a person gives up something of great moral value in exchange for a material benefit. Traditionally, it’s selling your soul to the devil in exchange for something you really want. I know what you’re thinking - Good on you, Johny. No one should make a deal with the devil!
Thank you for the praise, but, unfortunately, it’s misguided. There are two reasons I would not make a deal with the devil. The first reason is that I don’t believe in the devil, so I can’t make a deal with something I don’t believe exists. The second reason is that even if I did believe in the devil (which, again, to be clear, I do not), there’s not really anything I want badly enough to trade my soul for it. And just to set this record straight, gingers do have souls.
You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say that gingers have no souls and then also say that gingers will steal your souls if you keep prolonged eye contact with us. If you want to make the argument that our freckles represent all the souls we’ve stolen then that would imply that we have an abundance of souls as opposed to a lack of them. So which is it, ok? I know critical thinking is not at the top of everyone’s list right now, but you cannot have both an absence of souls and an abundance of souls at the same time. That’s entirely too much contradiction, and that’s not how life works. So, since we’ve established that gingers do, in fact, have souls, I recommend you be very cautious the next time you get into a staring contest with someone of the fiery-maned variety. We have souls; in fact, we have plenty of souls. And if you’re not careful, yours could be next. OoH, Johny, is that a ThReAt? Aw, you dear sweet thing. I don’t make threats... only promises.
Ok, this has obviously gotten off track. And in case you’re taking any of my ginger rhetoric seriously, please don’t. For the love of all that is freckled and feisty, it was a joke. Satan appreciated the humor when he tried to trick me into a Faustian bargain, which, of course, I didn’t fall for because: 1. that never happened, and 2. Satan isn’t real.
All of this is to say that there isn’t just one thing I’d never do. There are plenty of things I’ll never do, and I’ve made my peace with it. Is there something you’d never do? Or, better question, what would you trade your soul for? Asking for a ginger friend.
To the never-satisfied erudite Faust and building an early Christmas gingerbread house,
Johny
ICYMI: The Big 150
22, Random - What would you do if you won the lottery? 23, World - What are your views on religion? 24, Random - What were you afraid of most as a child? 25, Relationships - Write a letter to someone who has impacted your life. 26, Education - What talent would you like most to have? What would you do with it? 27, Self – Describe a time you felt lonely.
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